Life certainly has its ups and downs. You can lose a job, fail a test, end a relationship, and even miss a target, not to mention many other difficult situations. Adversity can be excruciating and leave us feeling unsure about ourselves. But adversity does not define you. It's what you do with adversity that will define you.
1. Accept What Happened Without Guilt
When confronted with adversity, it all starts with the acceptance of what has transpired — with no guilt or blame. Everyone makes mistakes and fails. Everyone. Recently instituted, extremely successful people included. You are no exception.
Tips:
- Don't ignore or avoid acknowledging the situation
- Describe the situation. What transpired? How do you feel? Why is this important?
- Learning to stay straight often begins by making mistakes.
Accepting your conditions creates space in your mind and frees you to think clearly about action steps going forward.
2. Treat the Event Separately from Yourself
One error (in the postpartum period) is to demonize the failure by personalizing it:
“I failed” becomes “I am a failure.”
Replace this with:
- Change the phrase "This didn't go to plan, but I can learn from it
- "One event does not determine who I am or my self-value."
- "I have succeeded before - and I can succeed again and move forward."
When you differentiate the setback from seeing it as temporary, rather than personal, it builds your confidence at a faster rate.
3.Assess What Went Wrong—Without Blame
Every setback has a lesson. Instead of putting blame on others, take the time to really reflect honestly, and maybe even take the moment constructively.
Ask yourself:
- What was outside of my control?
- What decisions could have been different?
- What can I do better next time?
Account for how the setback can inform you as a learning experience, rather than taking a slap at you!
4. Review Past Success
In times of failure, it can be difficult to recall how far you have come. Take time to remember how you’ve overcome similar situations before, or how you exceeded your own expectations.
Try these things:
- Build a belief journal and list your past successes
- Connect with the people who care, who support you, or who believe in you, when you are knocked down.
- Look back at any helpful feedback you’ve received in the past.
5. Establish Fresh, Achievable Goals
It’s best to just pick one or two aspects of your life to set new goals. Don't go straight to thinking about big changes; focus on realistic, short-term goals that will help you create momentum again.
Examples:
- I am applying to three separate jobs this week.
- I'm going to spend a minimum of 30 minutes every day on my new skill.
- "I will only contribute once during team meetings."
Once you have some small wins, it will lead to rekindling belief in yourself.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Blaming yourself won’t help — it only makes things harder. Be yourself, like you would be for a friend who is struggling, use kindness, encouragement, and patience. You could tell yourself:
You could tell yourself:
- "It's okay to feel hurt. I am working on healing."
- "I am doing my best right now."
- "I deserve another chance."
When you treat yourself with kindness, you create a safe space for yourself to grow and build your confidence again.
7. Surround Yourself with People That Support You
- The people you spend your time with can reduce your confidence or grow it back. Find yourself around those who listen to you without judgment.
- Encourage you
- Believe in your future potential.
Stay away from harmful environments and harmful relationships that only reinstate your doubts.
You are not alone - support matters.
8. Focus on Your Physical and Mental Well-Being
A healthy body fosters a strong mind. Working on problems with a strong and rested body is easier than for one that is overwhelmed.
Thinking about:
- Exercise (naturally, even something as small as a 5-minute walk provides a boost
- Nutrition
- Rest and relaxation
Try writing in a journal regularly or talking about your feelings with a therapist or mentor.
Taking care of your body and mind helps you recover faster and better.
9. Visualize a Self-Assured Future
Visualization is a powerful mental reprogramming tool. Visualize yourself flourishing in the process after the challenge and feeling more empowered.
Practice every day:
- Close your eyes for 2 minutes
- See yourself glowing, walking tall, speaking clearly, and achieving the things you want to achieve.
- Feel some of the feelings associated with that success.
This simple practice trains your brain to believe in yourself rather than fear failure.
10. Keep Showing Up
What is the most important habit to implement after a setback? You guessed it - just keep showing up.
Confidence is not built overnight, but each time you show up, try again, and continue to move forward despite the fear, you are building confidence.
Courage is not always a roaring lion. The quiet ostentation of saying, "I'll do what I can do tomorrow," while working toward what is really bravery at the end of the day.
So, keep showing up. You're creating something better than was there before.
Conclusion
We all have some kind of setback, and the confident person is no different. The difference is that the confident person gets back up after the fall.
The confident person sees the fall and setback as separate from who they are, takes a little accountability, learns from it, and takes small steps toward movement. You can restore confidence in yourself gradually over time. Courage is not innate.
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