Overcoming Setbacks: A Practical Guide to Rebuilding Confidence
Introduction
Life comes with setbacks. You might have lost a job, missed the mark on a test, broken up with someone, or missed a target or goal, (not to mention a myriad of other setbacks). Setbacks can intimate us and will definitely give us pause in our self-esteem and confidence. Yet, know this—setbacks don't define you. How you handle disappointments is what defines you. This article outlines a simple set of steps to help you overcome a setback and emerge with an even stronger sense of confidence. Whether your setback was personal, academic, or in your professional career, you will easily supplement the tools and strategies you can choose from to regain your confidence and keep progressing in life.
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1. Accept What Happened Without Shame
The first step when dealing with a setback is taking it as what happened (without the self-blame or shame). Everyone fails. Even the most successful individuals, even you, make mistakes and have failures.
Tips:
- Do not ignore or avoid the event
- Write about the event (what happened, how you feel, and why it matters)
- Falling down is how we learn to stand tall.
Acceptance clears the emotional fog to help you think clearly about your next steps.
2. Treat the Event Separately from Yourself
One error (in the postpartum period), is to demonize the failure, by personalizing it:
“I failed” becomes “I am a failure.”
“I failed” becomes “I am a failure.”
Replace this with:
- Change the phrase "This didn't go to plan, but I can learn from it
- "One event does not determine who I am or my self-value."
- "I have previously succeeded - I can achieve again and move forward."
When you differentiate the setback with seeing it as temporary, rather than personal, it builds your confidence at a faster rate.
3.Assess What Went Wrong—Without Blame
Every setback has a lesson. Instead of blaming others, take time and reflect honestly, and possibly constructively.
Ask yourself:
- What was outside of my control?
- What decisions could have been different?
- What can I do better next time?
Account how the setback can inform you as a learning experience, rather than taking a slap at you!
4.Review Past Success
In times of failure, it can be difficult to recall how far you have come. Take time to remember, when it comes to succeeding, how a situation was overcome, or you exceeded your own expectations.
Try these things:
- Create a belief journal along with a list of past wins
- Connect with those who care, support, or believe in you, when you hit a setback.
- Look at previous feedback you have received in a good way
This will reaffirm a positive self-image and allow you to realize that you are capable of getting back to where you need to go.
5. Establish Fresh, Achievable Goals
It’s best to just pick one or two aspects of your life to set new goals. Don't go straight to thinking about big changes, focus on realistic, short-term goals that will help you create momentum again.
Examples:
- I am going to apply to three separate jobs this week.
- I'm going to spend a minimum of 30 minutes every day on my new skill.
- " "I will only contribute once during team meetings."
Once you have some small wins, it will lead to rekindling belief in yourself.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Blaming yourself for what happened, won't ever help. Be yourself like you would be for a friend who is struggling, use kindness, encouragement, and patience.
You could tell yourself:
- "It's okay to feel hurt. I am working on healing."
- "I am doing my best right now."
- "I deserve another chance."
When you practice self-compassion, you are building emotional safety while you work to rebuild your confidence.
7. Surround Yourself with People That Support You
The people you spend your time with either can reduce your confidence or grow it back. Find yourself around those who
- Listen to you without judgement.
- Encourage you
- Believe in your future potential.
Stay away from harmful environments and harmful relationships that only reinstate your doubts.
You are not alone - support matters.
8. Look After Your Physical and Mental Health
A healthy body brings a resilient mind. It's easier dealing with a setback when you're not exhausted or overwhelmed.
Focus on:
- Exercise (even a 5-minute walk improves mood)
- Nutrition
- Sleep and rest
- Consider journaling on a regular basis or discussing your thoughts with a therapist or mentor.
Taking care of your health enhances your ability to bounce back even stronger.
9. Visualize a Self-Assured Future
Visualization is a powerful mental reprogramming tool. Visualize yourself flourishing in the process after the challenge and feeling more empowered. Practice every day:
- Close your eyes for 2 minutes
- See yourself glowing, walking tall, speaking clearly, and achieving the things you want to achieve.
- Feel some of the feelings associated with that success
This basic technique conditions your brain to expect confidence instead of fear.
10. Keep Showing Up
What is the most important habit to implement after a setback? You guessed it - just keep showing up.
Confidence is not built overnight, but each time you show up, try again and continue to move forward despite the fear, you are building confidence.
"Courage is not always a roar. "I'll try my best tomorrow" is a soft whisper that while just talking is the true meaning of bravery at the end of the day.
So, keep showing up. You're building something better than what was there before.
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